How to Ruin Your Relationship While in Banking, A Primer
By continentalman on Sep 19, 2006 in Cube Life, Girlfriend!, Lifestyle
Now, It Goes Without Saying That
- There Will Be No Sex because “you’re tired.” If that excuse doesn’t work then threaten and/or engage in “limp dick sex.” If you’re a girl, then the tired excuse will do.
- Forget the Art of Conversation and become dull, in general.
- Refuse to Commit to Plans, of Any Sort. It is critical that you do not make plans during the summer, Christmas, or any other usual period of travel, because, of course, you can’t.
- Comment on Your BF/GF’s Lack of Career Plans. Because if he/she is not in finance, then what kind of “career” is that? A sad one, no doubt.
- Rub the Money Thing In.
Specific Instructions
During the work week:
- Do not share a single word with your bf/gf
- Do not share a single meal with your bf/gf
During the weekend:
- Wake up after 2pm, and only to eat (a sickening amount.) Fall back asleep promptly.
- Gotta have that ‘guys night out’, but you’ll make it back home, of course … for the puking session.
On Nov 11, 2006, Anonymous said:
I love this post. Helped me realize that I was fighting a losing battle all along. Most notably, the inability to commit to any plans. Thanks for validating that it wasn’t me, it was HIM all along. Funny blog btw.
On Jun 29, 2007, Mona said:
i just got enggaed to investment banker we really love each other alot but can you beleive we talk for 3 - 6 mins a day over phone being in same city( we dont live together)?
but i understand its demand of work - if you love your guy you will understand that he is really tired and you would not expect for “There Will Be No Sex because “you’re tired.” If that excuse doesn’t work then threaten and/or engage in “limp dick sex.” If you’re a girl, then the tired excuse will do.
”
love you so much mylove