Does the thought of a room full of a bunch of people you don’t know make you want to hide? If so, then you’re probably not looking forward to the holiday season. And I feel for those of you who are facing a holiday party and have just joined a new company.

There are a couple of strategies that you can use if you’re party-shy. The NYT chronicles the attempts of an expert mingler as she cracks a few tough crowds, and take heart because even she gets dissed.

The most important take-away is that no one gives a damn what you’re doing, and consequently, it’s OK to stand alone, or do anything for that matter. As the party expert says, “They’re all just thinking about themselves. So anything you do is usually fine.”

On the other hand her recommendation to target the loneliest person in the room is the wrong way to go. Sure, it’s a decent way to kill off a few minutes, but it’s deeply unsatisfying and ultimately will not lead to new conversation opportunities (they’re standing alone for a reason!)

In summary:

• Standing alone? Yes, be OK with this.
• Limit conversations to 5-10 minutes.
• Try to make it a little bit less obvious that you are trying to get something out of this person.
• Talk to other wallflower? Tempting, but no.

And some add’l tips from a shy person who’s had to work a room or two:

• Get in line. Waiting at the mobbed open bar or perhaps drifting slowly down the buffet line are great ways to a) stand close enough to people to give you an excuse to strike up seemingly unforced conversations without freaking them out b) occupy yourself if you’ve got no one to talk to and c) look like a loser, which is why you can’t use this too much.
• Similarly, if there are tables about (the ones where you stand, not sit), this is a good place to position yourself as people congregate around these, especially if there’s food.
• Find and perfect your optimal level of drunk, which for me is where I kill off about 1/4th of my inhibitions. Forget beer goggles — you’re the one that’s better looking, funnier, taller, etc. Of course for work-related things you might want to kill off more like 1/5th of your “issues.”
• Give yourself a mission, or play little games with yourself i.e. “I have to talk to ten people here then I can go.” This makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something even if you are jetting out early because you’re a self-conscious loser.
• Once you make some friends, don’t fall back to just talking to them… unless they introduce you to new people. This is the equivalent of going to a party with your bf/gf and not meeting anyone else. That said, they are good for brief check-ins throughout the night.
• Play the name game, if necessary. People love to find commonalities and then remark about how amazing it is that you know the same people.
• Do NOT try to approach a group of people. This is death. A pair is okay, though.