Cougars: What I-Banker Wives Turn Into
By BankersBall on Jun 20, 2007 in Cube Life, Girlfriend!
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I don’t know what’s scarier, the fact that the Daily Mail calls cougar “Karin” “unquestionably attractive”, or the fact that she still looks like that even though she works out four times a week.
Or maybe it’s that these cougars — that is, older women who date men significantly younger than them — seem to often involve themselves with investment bankers.
Says our gal Karin, “With three failed marriages behind her - two to men older than herself, her third to an investment banker only six years younger - she is pretty upfront about her new strategy … I remember I was once asked out by a Swedish investment banker who was 30. I turned him down, though, as he couldn’t make eye contact. His eyes were glued to my chest the whole time.”
And then there’s Karin’s friends. All “married to the same boring investment bankers for 20 years. When we meet for drinks, they want all the tiny details about [young stud muffin] Graeme and me. They’re living vicariously through me!”
What lessons can we draw from this?
The standard of beauty in the UK seems a bit low. Also, if you’re old: stop being boring. And for the young bankers out there — forget those wil-o-wisps that you have to support and find a woman (preferably younger than Mom) who’ll support you, thereby releasing you from a life of banking drudgery and keeping you from being boring. Hooray.
On Jun 20, 2007, Anonymous said:
Cougars? More like hippos who might take a bite out of you if they’re hungry.
On Jun 20, 2007, bullTHIS said:
those women are cougars!? *shudder*
On Jun 20, 2007, NY IBanker said:
only some pathetic british bankers would ever marry those pigs, and no respectable young banker anywhere would touch any of them, even for the story. I second Anonymous; those are hungry hippos, not cougars.
On Jun 20, 2007, papershuffler said:
beer goggles much?
On Jun 21, 2007, testes testes 123 said:
i love fat, old, english women. sounds pretty nasty, right?
On Jul 14, 2007, cw phineas said:
mrrreow sign me up
On Jul 17, 2007, Sam M said:
40 year old fat British snaggletooth cougars? I prefer the cougars on the prowl at Del Frisco
On Sep 21, 2007, Robert SW7 said:
Those aren’t ‘Cougars’ in the Daily Mail; they’re what the Brits affectionately refer to as ‘Fat Slags’. ‘Cougars’ keep themselves fit and dress stylishly. ‘Fat Slags’ do not. Instead, they distract drunken males from noticing their waists by forcing their breasts to spill out of the tops of dresses which appear to have been made from vintage kitchen curtains. Their schoolgirl crushes are replaced by the real thing. Their only chance of consummating sex with their young prey is to use pure mass to pin the male down so that, as he sobers up and begins to realise the full horror of his predicament, he is still unable to shift the weight off himself. Inevitably, he is eaten to provide desperately-needed nourishment for the female who has just expended too much energy to even consider reaching for the phone to order pizza.
On Jan 10, 2008, Esteban said:
Ummm…. Does LOVE come into play at any time or are we really disillusioned with the pursuit of a buck while sacrificing our true happiness?