Thanks to JM for trolling the CL boards for us and forwarding these along.

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You: argumentative Vice President, Me: Minion - m4w - 24 (Midtown) Date: 2007-08-06, 9:00PM EDT
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/390976267.html

It was, oh, half past one in the morning on a Saturday night in my dreary cubicle brightly lit by fluorescent bulbs. You were wearing something boring complemented by those masochistic heels. I wanted to say something, to reach out and connect, but I was intimidated by your requests for non-existent industry research and demands that Wall Street estimates bend to your ignorant whims. If only I could extend this moment into a real union of our two beings–you, argumentative and whiny and me, obedient and soulless. A perfect match. Unfortunately, the client thought the changes you made to my brilliant accretion/dilution analysis were arrogant and thoughtless. But I think we can get past that–I’ll create a proposal and present it to you in PowerPoint. You can criticize it and mark it up with a red pen. Oh, I’m tingling already.

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You: Cute, fun blonde at the bar; Me: Investment Banking Ogre - m4w - 24 (East Village) Date: 2007-08-07, 6:21PM EDT
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/391689054.html

You were an intensely cute blonde at a bar last Friday night. I imagine that in addition to being young and beautiful, you’re athletic, smart, interesting and well-traveled. I was the guy trying to make eye contact, only to look quickly back at my BlackBerry if you caught me looking. Maybe you’d remember my gray trousers and light blue Charles Tyrwhitt non-iron dress shirt? Or maybe the bags around my eyes and carpel tunnel wrists? Anyway, you brushed by me as I approached the bar–you looked up at me and said “hi, how are you?” I said, “Oh, you know, pretty good, closed an industry-changing M&A deal today. It’s likely to double my bonus.” Your reaction was not what I expected. I know that inside, you were indeed impressed, but the look on your face didn’t quite evince the same sentiment. This, of course, caused me to panic. I quickly retrieved the BlackBerry from its plastic hip holster and began to type furiously. Being engaged in an important email discussion with several important Industry Leaders and DealMakers, I had no time to engage in further human contact. But that’s too bad–maybe you could have saved me from this soul-destroying life that I’ve become hopelessly lost in. ——————————-

Me: awkward new I-Banking Associate; You: annoyed Analyst - m4m - 29 (Midtown) Date: 2007-08-07, 11:23PM EDT
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/391893759.html

I think we had a missed connection the other day…I’ll describe our conversation: Associate: “You guys wanna grab some lunch?” Analyst: “Uh…what’s that?” Associate: “Where should we go to lunch today?” Analyst: “Lunch? today? What’s today?” Associate: “It’s Monday…I’m thinking of going next door, you want to come?” Analyst: “I’m not…uh…I can’t eat on Mondays…plus I already ate and I have to do something else with these other people at this other restaurant without you.” Associate: “Oh…I see…well, do you want to grab some lunch next door with me?” Analyst: “Um…Oh, I have to continue ignore you now. Bye.” I know it’s difficult for young professionals such as you to feel comfortable with your superiors here at the office. I can understand that, but I really want to make you welcome here. Maybe we should have lunch today?