Bonuses are being battered from all sides, from currency devaluation to more share stuffing.

Banker’s who earn approximately $2MM+ are likely to see this year’s bonuses paid out 70% shares and 30% cash, search firm Armstrong International tells the FT.

So far, UBS has confirmed that it will be paying more of its bonuses in shares.

Meanwhile, Deutsche Bank analysts are predicting a median bonus of 10% lower at investment banks, reports the NYT.

European bankers working at American banks are also facing a lower dollar. JPMorgan pays European bankers in dollars but gives an option to tie comp to an average exchange rate.

Expect bonus news to hit in the beginning of December, with Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns the first out of the gate, reports the NYT.

Feel a bit shafted in all this? Well there’s no ruling out a federal fund to support bankers. One satire site envisions a Bush-backed solution to support the “growing crisis in investment banker bonuses.” A rationale for a banker bonus bailout, which would right banker bonuses by “‘fill[ing] in the gap between what people, investment bankers got paid in 2006 and what they got paid in 2007, with a annual increase of 10 percent like usual’”. And let’s not forget the trickle down effect of all of those (fewer) millions:

“Your salary goes down from $25 million to $22 million, maybe you got to give up one or two of the Mexican gardeners, or a Jamaican nanny, cook, cleaner, pool guy, lawn guy, limo guy. What happens to those guys? They turn into burdens on the taxpayers, and that’s bad for growth.”

Hilarious.