Tis the season for Gift Guides. Here’s our take.

We’re ODing on gift guides. But in no way will that stop us from compiling our own, overly-specialized and thus completely useless gift guide. First we take note of NYMag’s suggested gift for a High-Intensity Boyfriend, which is NYMag-speak for “investment banker”. That brought a chuckle. Who wouldn’t want 24 cans of tennis balls? Except maybe someone who a) lives in a small apartment and b) doesn’t play tennis. But ruling those out, we like the idea of bulk, especially because not only are you giving someone a lot of something they really need, you’re also saving them time, which is better than anything.

With that in mind, here’s the BankersBall Gift Guide.

Gifts for Your Ma: cause she’s #1!
Kitchenaid Stand Mixer - Moms cook. Period, the end.
Le Creuset oven - what did I say before?
Artisanal Cheese of the Month Club - this is for those of you who don’t really know your Moms.

Gifts for Your Attention-Starved GF: mission impossible: keep GF onboard.
Bottega Veneta tote - baby needs some bonus love.
Nikon D80 - Plan B: give girlfriend means to occupy time.
Luxury Lodge Safari from Thomson Safaris - Plan C: provide something to look forward to.

Gifts for Your Dad: time to show Dad just how much you’re making
Eames chair - it’s like the LaZboy of urbanites.
Georg Jensen antique cufflinks - that’s right. You live in New York Citay.
Rayban Wayfarers - hey, Pop was cool, once.

Gifts for Yourself: pat yourself on the back - you still have a job!
Bezerra espresso machine - a highly rated “prosumer” model. A must for sustaining that caffeine high. Another option is the ECM Giotto.
40-Bottle Wine Rack - configuration is customizable and they’re expandable. Just what you need right now.
Loro Piana Cashmere Robe - yes, it is most definitely gay. What’s your point?

Generic Gifts for Those You Really Don’t Like
Let’s not forget all of those useless gifts that you have to get people you don’t care about. We’ve already done the homework and compiled some tasteful items here in our BBall Store. Suffice it to say, it includes things like wine decanters.