Baller Has Everything but the Girl?
By BankersBall on Dec 19, 2007 in Emails & Diversions, Girlfriend!
$772k, a bright shiny condo, but life still empty?
A reader tips us off to a proclaimed Goldman guy banking $772k this year for a bonus, and who sounds like a suspiciously good match for that $500k girl from CL. And yes, his post is also on CL.
Here’s the offer:
the holidays suck. i never thought that i’d ever say that but this is the first time in my life as an adult that i don’t have a girlfriend to share in the experience with and it sucks. bad. 3 weeks ago i came home from a night out for steaks and cigars with some of the guys from my office to find that she had cleaned out her drawer in my custom made oak dresser and left a note on my viking stove that simply said “i’m done.” i’ve been texting her like 10 times a day but i haven’t heard from her since.
what sucks even more about it is that i just got word from my boss at GS this morning about how much my bonus is going to be this year. wanna guess?
772k.
and you’d think i’d be happy, right? WRONG! i mean with so many people out there whose lives are so less meaningful because they only make 60 or 70k a year, how could i not be happy? well, think about that for a minute. what use is three quarters of a million dollars per year in income if you’ve got nobody to share it with, nobody to lavish with flowers and designer bags and shoes and dinners at places like per se, nobu and babbo? what good is the new condo on the west side when i’ve got nobody to sit out on the balcony to look out over the river and drink egg nog with during the holidays.
most importantly, what use is a 15 foot fraser fir christmas tree if i’ve got nobody to put presents underneath it for?
so what am i looking for, you ask? someone to share all of this with at christmas, that’s what. i’m out of the office all of next week and i’m going to go crazy all by myself in my huge, shiny new condo. all i ask is that you’re reasonably cute and willing to reciprocate my kindness and generosity by keeping me warm on these cold winter nights. i don’t even care if you’re jewish or some other religion that doesn’t celebrate christmas because my parents will be in france and will never find out. together we’ll go out for amazing dinners, we’ll go shopping together, we’ll drink great wines and at the end of the day we’ll get each other off fabulously.
finally, you need not worry about not being attracted to me. i’m 28 years old and i’ve still got the same looks/physique that i had when i wrestled in college and have had a certain part of my anatomy compared to a baby’s arm. i am also quite charming.
so what are you waiting for?
On Dec 19, 2007, CitiSB09 said:
haha, man…and you would think people at Goldman have it all. Sounds like a lonely Christmas, maybe he can put some $100’s in the fire and burn them to keep himself warm.
On Dec 19, 2007, fishbulb said:
odd how his yearly income is equal to his bonus.
On Dec 19, 2007, Hmm said:
That’s a pretty specific bonus number. Guess he’s hoping to be identified?
On Dec 20, 2007, Tijuana tornado said:
Dealbreaker is saying the post was a fake, written by a blog dude….. if it was, hilarious… =)
On Dec 20, 2007, Obvious Man said:
Satire, you fools. It’s satire. Sheesh.
http://cajunboyinthecity.blogspot.com/2007/12/my-holiday-gift-to-you-fancy-being.html
On Dec 21, 2007, Anon said:
$100K, 500K, 1,000K+, this guy will still be a loser…
On Dec 26, 2007, Johnny g said:
Well it’s a little to late for Christmas. Time to set your mind on who your going to make out with on New Years.
My wife has 11 sisters that you could check out. How about a finder’s fee?
On Jan 10, 2008, bigboy said:
…772 does not equal 3/4 * 1,000. hope you are enjoying private wealth bitch.
On Jan 14, 2008, clowns said:
“…772 does not equal 3/4 * 1,000. hope you are enjoying private wealth bitch.”
Wow, “bigboy” does that mean you are a cool, smooth sail’n, deal mak’n “insto” guy and the poor loser who wrote the note is only a retail guy? Wow…can I be like you and be so precise and so fucking cool? How do you do it?
You, my boy, are a complete tool, just for making such a petty comment. You are the kinda retard that walks around with his broker bag over shoulder (the standard issue one that is blue and green and has the name of the bank on the handles-you know the one!) and ID card tied around his neck (acting like he just came out of work and forgot to take it off) trying to look cool TOOLBOX.
On Jun 14, 2008, ana said:
as they say, ‘happiness is only real when shared’..