Schadenfreude is a poor substitute for free flowing alcohol.

In noting NYC blog Guest of a Guest’s recent post on our bonus coverage, we have to approve of the me-centric conclusion they come to regarding lower bonuses for the would be Masters of the Universe. We excerpt:

“Who’s yacht are you going to party on at Sunset Beach this summer? How are you going to find a ride to bum out east in an Ashton Martin in? What’s going to happen to all the lavish house warming parties at the ridiculously dressed up lofts in Soho? I’m being serious here. There is going to be one less bottle of Cristal being bought at each party, one less Hampton share house to visit, and one less Benz to catch a ride in.”

Which prompts us to consider … In a World Without Bonuses (a new feature that we’ll continue for as long as the fancy strikes us … and yes, awfully similar to In a World Without Blackberry)

In a World Without Bonuses

1. More guys with “Excel Proficient” A-board signs on Wall St (besides that one guy)
2. Lawyers temporarily become most eligible bachelors, at least until short-sighted gold diggers realize what’s up.
3. Banker girls will still be horny.
4. Easy, “low-cost” lays are the name of the game.
5. The service industry will get fewer tips (and yeah, that’s not funny)
6. Bars without someone to hate = empty, depressing rooms?
7. NYTimes subtly feature fewer articles with investment bankers.
8. Parts of Manhattan will undergo degentrification, to the chagrin of in-denial yuppies.
9. Marked decrease in American Psycho references.
10. Banker motto changed from “Models and bottles” to “Bottles and bottles”
11. Fewer Bankers reading BankersBall????

Let’s hear yours…