The Banker Dater: Are You Mr Junk Bond?
By bankerdater on Jun 4, 2008 in Banker Dater
Hello, BBallers! Ready for some more SaTC references?
I’m a banker dater. This post is my foray into the foibles of my love life.
Just as Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City nicknamed the men in her life, my dating life has been defined by financial terminology. Dating finance boys has imbued my financial vocabulary with terms from accrual based accounting to kiting to ZBB.
No dating life would be complete without the classic Bad Boy. Bad Boys appeal to women not only because of the cachet of danger and risk, but because the idea of being able to reform the Bad Boy is every woman’s fantasy. After all, women want to be “The One” to teach BB commitment and monogamy; of course, still keeping the naughtiness in the bedroom.
Now take a Bad Boy, put him in a Brioni suit and you have Mr. Junk Bond.
Dating Mr. Junk Bond (JB) is akin to the non-investment bond grading system. Initially, Mr. Junk Bond is a Ba/BB. JB is charming, unpredictable, decisive and intense. His offer of a high interest rate despite the speculative aspects is irresistible. JB’s late hours in finance indicate hard work and intelligence. You reconcile JB’s bad boy behavior with the nascence of the relationship.
JB quickly plummets to Caa/CCC rating when you can’t remember when your last real date was and he only calls you “babe”. You begin to wonder if JB remembers your name. Then again, you realize, he has to know your name – it’s in your email address.
Nonetheless, the D rating of payment default is looming. JB only seems to have time for you after 10 pm (aka the booty text).
Booty texts may take the form “U awake?” or “U out 2nite?” and often make you wonder whether JB sent the text message to more than one girl. Was it some kind of mass mailed booty text? Perhaps even booty text spam?
As investors, you are cognizant of why you shouldn’t play with junk bonds, but resisting the temptation is difficult. Sometimes you have to dive in and make a really bad investment to learn. Unfortunately, you may have to keep adding more than one JB to your portfolio repeatedly before you learn the lesson of JB’s danger and allure.
Until later. xoxo.
On Jun 4, 2008, kc said:
maybe you’re going about this the wrong way. a well diversified portfolio of junk bonds has been shown to deliver excess returns.
On Jun 4, 2008, BB Chick said:
I have definately learned my lesson with the JB. from now on only really BBallers please…
On Jun 5, 2008, Shap said:
The appropriate approach to JB would be to short JB in his emotive decline and go long Mister Sensitive Ponytail (MSP), allowing you to capitalize on the relative value change between the two. This, of couse, is called the BB Spread Trade.
On Jun 5, 2008, BB Chick said:
Well I definately did not have a well diversified portfolio of junk bonds and therefore did not receive any return on investment. Perhaps I need to do some more research before investing again
On Jun 6, 2008, legal eagle said:
Thought you guys might like this too, it’s a little piece I wrote that Dealbreaker posted. It’s the other side of the equation (various types of debt instruments as they relate to women). Enjoy: http://dealbreaker.com/2008/06/dating_ms_junk_bond.php#more
On Jun 6, 2008, The Hedge Fund Guy said:
Key tips for investing in junk bonds:
Laddering - invest all along the curve i.e. never put all you JBs in one basket!
Hedging - Buying a 3 month CDS i.e. dump before the JB defaults.
Above mentioned strategies are Junk Bond Investing 101, surprised why no one even mentioned them.
I guess the chicks here should stick to the treasuries for now.
On Sep 24, 2008, CFA_JD said:
What happens when you mix an ABR with a JB? Ask a certain Payden Rygel economist who is now in hot water because of a past association with a certain chick residing at 85 Broad Street.