The Curiously Pathetic Life of Bankers
By BankersBall on Jan 28, 2009 in Banker Dater, Girlfriend!, Lifestyle
…and the girls they date.
As the economy unravels, scales are falling off eyes … in this case, from the hordes of women who have previously sought out FBFs (”Financial-Guy Boyfriends”) with glee.
Of course it’s not news that there’s such a thing as gold diggers, but this is the first we hear of DABAGirls (”Dating A Banker Anonymous - Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times. Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists”)
Yeah, you read that right. You might have thought you were going through a rough time, questioning your self worth, etc, but did you stop and think what your joblessness meant to your girlfriend’s wardrobe? That she might be going through bottle service withdrawal?
Or that they had a little, vapid dream stashed away in their little, vapid hearts and you went and crushed it with your bonuslessness?
A dream like this:
Remember when together you and your FBF felt like you could conquer the world? It was great to be in New York, in love, and young (FYI non-New York readers, Young = under 40). There was nothing you two couldn’t do. No velvet rope that couldn’t be lifted, no secret handshake you weren’t privy to. Together the two of you were going to ascend the corporate ladder and then, after you had stashed away enough cash, you would turn your attention towards more philanthropic and artistic pursuits. Libraries and universities would bear your surname. You were going to be the Carnegies and Rockefellers of the new millennium…But those were the aspirations of BR. Dares’t we now dream of more than a brownstone in Park Slope, Brooklyn? (DABAGirl)
These girls not only have a blog, but they meet - in person! And judging from this photo, some of them look cute (and are undoubtedly looking for FBFs who are actually FBFs and not just “downgraded BFs”)
But then you read things like this and well, it’s a bit ungrateful.
Next time you are stressing over some finance guy remember that he is just a math club nerd with cash and that there are some things money just can’t buy a woman, and a mind blowing orgasm is one of them. So relax, as evidenced by the existence of this blog, none of your girlfriends are marrying rich banker types any time soon. You are not going to be the last of your friends to marry well. This recession just bought everyone an extra two years of the single life. SAVOR IT. Go, have a steamy affair with some Latin lover who spends his free time thinking up new bedroom positions instead of trading positions. Relish that for the here and now you don’t have to be seen in public with a guy who wears black shiny shoes with jeans. (DB)
MEN: it’s time to fight back. Tell us your worst GOLD DIGGER tales. Expose those hoors.
Then: upgrade yourself out of this mess. Remember 7 Easy Steps to Mancessorize? Find a trust funder and cling for dear life. (Update: they are called “rent boys“)
And lastly, remember that a gold digger is really an accessory. One that you can no longer afford.
On Jan 29, 2009, analyst 3 said:
That site smells a lot like Leveraged Sellout–would be great if it was all a huge practical joke
On Jan 30, 2009, Anonymous said:
nope…it’s legit…my buddy here reads the NY Times online everyday and he beat bankers ball to alerting me to this one. this is real.
On Jan 30, 2009, anon said:
No, this is a joke. Dabagirls.com is a blog and satirical commentary on Wall Street and the girls they date. The same girls who run this site played a joke on NY Times by convincing them it was real and they really were “suffering” by the layoffs as well.
It’s not real, and everyone who thought so got played.
On Jan 30, 2009, AdvertisingDoesntLookSoBadNow... said:
Yeah, i believe this is legit - in fact, one of the DABA girls got fired from the NYT b/c she caught her talking on the phone w/ an agent to get a new deal w/ someone else. The paper fired her on the spot
On Feb 4, 2009, Casual Dater said:
Went out with a DABA girl last week (she didn’t know I knew about the site), always thought I was the one with game,after our date, lets just say I learned a lot.
After the date when she was ready to go back to my place, told her she wasn’t my money’s type and left.
On Feb 4, 2009, The Real Girl said:
Hey, banker boys, this isn’t about the DABA, although I have been laughing at/with the posts. My boyfriend is an ex-FBF of other women (read: many other women). I get him post-lost, post-depression, post-WTF of it all. He’s a wilderness guide now. After losing 75% of his wealth a few years ago (something about “leveraged,” something about “a call”) and he hit rock bottom. He was just about to retire at 40 and see the world. I am certainly not in tune with the objectification of the struggles of the AFM (American Financial Male) and wanted you guys to know that there is life beyond Wall Street. He spends his life now hiking in the wilderness and helping other people break free of various addictions by going balls out on the mountain trails. He’s an amazing recovery story. Wall St. still calls to him and can see how it could dominate his life all over again, i.e. when Citi fell below 15 he practically broke out in hives with temptation. He dabbled a little, saw how the market and a relationship really don’t go together, and figured something out. Anyway, my advice: let go entirely–sell everything, get in your car, drive someplace magnificent, buy some good hiking boots, some great North Face gear and go wild. You’re men, after all.All that Wall St. stuff was a decoy way of indulging your powerful, primal hunter explorer. You’ll get through this. As for the women, well, better, realer ones lie ahead (that somehow sounds sexual but it isn’t, or it is.) Take care of yourselves. Good luck.
On Feb 4, 2009, Anonymous said:
Honestly, I have to say, anyone who dates someone that superficial and gold-digging has to be at least equally superficial and ridiculous themselves. These bankers and these girls are perfect for each other, if only because this will take both superficial groups out of the dating pool.
On Feb 4, 2009, RN said:
The hoor stories bring no tears to me.
Those of us with money skills will bring those to bear again in a few years. I for one look forward to competing in a financial marketplace that’s not completely devoid of logic. We’ll all do rather well again, don’t worry about it.
The DABAs of course, will age, and turn into bitter botox hags. Fortunately they can be dumped at the first reasonable oppportunity and traded in for younger, trimmer models.
Some of whom can actually turn out to be nice people and not just golddiggers.
On Feb 4, 2009, save_the_rustbelt said:
Speaking from the middle of the country as both a financial professional and a bemused student of life, the FBFs are pathetic and the girls who chase them are just as bad.
Sorry guys, no place in the Hamptons. With a little luck, maybe a few years in federal prison.
Now, how do I salvage my 401(k)? Hmmmmm.
On Feb 4, 2009, not a dabagirl but.. said:
If you do your research you realize that the girls take stories people send in to them and exaggerate them, to make fun of gold diggers and the like.. It’s not for real, at least it isn’t their views
On Feb 5, 2009, Lauren said:
Those DABA girls (Lanie and Megan) are poking fun of themselves and the only reason it’s funny is because it’s TRUE.
On Feb 5, 2009, bleeding daisy said:
This is totally lame… Everyone is in any relationship for what they can get. the guys want a hot broad…the ladies want a man who pays the bills…WELL and on TIME! when something starts lacking, either one is free to take a walk! so DABA girls, u either sh*t or get off the pot! Wall Street Bankers…u can make do with ignorant blondes for now…they probably don’t read the papers!
On Feb 5, 2009, Jessica said:
I was out with some friends the other night when some FB tries to pull up with his “hotties bail out package”. The guys dating DBA girls know exactly what they are getting in to. Lets not BS, what did you think a girl half your age +7 was dating you for? Your boyish good looks? Your fascinating conversation?
On Feb 7, 2009, Rojo said:
It’s all about the spread during the day and more spread at night with a DABA girl. They are the best.
On Feb 8, 2009, Anon said:
These girl shallow? C’mon now. We all know these relationship are mutually parasitic. All the guys want a <130lbs, blonde, stylish little thing. Guys: imagine the year is 2012, the economy’s back, your gold toilet is getting installed tomorrow, BUT… Tasti-D-lite has changed its formula and every woman in NYC has gained 50 lbs!!! (about equivalent to your portfolio’s performance this year)… NYC would be a dark scary place. Almost make you feel bad for the little gold-diggers… actually no, it doesnt.
On Apr 29, 2009, Hilary said:
I’m going in to banking and my boyfriend is also a banker. For a long period of time my friends were sending me links to DABA as if it were giving me real advice. I think the funniest they sent was about nerdy bankers being “diamonds in the rough” because they worked so much that they’d never be laid off. The point: let’s date these guys we mock because they have job security. Kind of funny except that I’m pretty sure they’re serious, which is sad…