Passive Aggressive Ways I Am Rebelling at Work (Due to Lack of Bonus)
By BankersBall on Feb 10, 2009 in Bankersrant, Bonuses, Layoffs
by Any Banker…
You, too, can employ these methods.
1. Refusing to approach Bloomberg terminal.
2. Haven’t gotten haircut in two months.
3. Leaving top button of shirt open. WITH tie. (Bluh-BLAM!!!)
4. Stopped trimming fingernails; also a bit dirty under there. (When finally clipping nails, doing so at work.)
5. Taking notes in meetings of things that irritate you, then rehashing to colleagues. See, “We’re open for business!” or “This year will be remembered as the best BUY opportunity in our lifetimes.”
6. Telling everyone about my workout schedule.
7. Bringing McDonalds into the office. When not stuffing McNuggets into face, eating “healthy” (Subway).
8. Publicly wondering when the fruit basket will be eliminated.
9. After fruit basket is eliminated, reminiscing about the “good times” when there were free bananas, etc.
10. On a down market day, griping about the losses you suffered on the investments you would have made with the bonus you didn’t get.
On Feb 11, 2009, nanite said:
The haircut one is rough man. I’ve personally resorted to cutting my own hair in the mirror with scissors. Take that, Mr. Man!
On Feb 11, 2009, stinkythumbs said:
The haircut is very effective. I personally recommend growing a mustache to top it off, nothing says creepy like a well quaffed mustache.
On Feb 11, 2009, analyst said:
i have found that spending the entire day on http://www.fmylife.com is the most proactive (and most amusing) way to rebel at work
On Feb 11, 2009, WL said:
Very true….that’s hilarious…
I’ve done everything except for 4, 8, and 9.
Got laid off before my nails got long enough.
There was never a fruit basket.
On Feb 11, 2009, Tags said:
Tie? What tie?
fmylife.com and bored.com seem to fill my day seeing as M&A is in the bowl. But hey there is always the gym.
On Feb 20, 2009, Roxford said:
Try bringing a flowbee to work and offering free haircuts to your colleagues. that will place you into some sort of protected class under some bogus government employment policy.
On Feb 20, 2009, applesauce said:
Top 10 Jobs Ex-Bankers Are Qualified For
http://thereformedbroker.com/2009/02/18/retraining-investment-bankers-in-new-york-city/
On Mar 28, 2009, williambanzai7 said:
I DON’T LIKE BAILOUT MONDAYS
(I Don’t Like Mondays, Boomtown Rats)
WilliamBanzai7
Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GirAGIql7z0&feature=related
The securitization chip inside is dead
Got switched to subprime overload
And nobody’s gonna go to MBA school today
Gotta make them all stay at home
And daddy doesn’t understand it
He always said Wall Street was good as gold
And he can see theres no bonus season
‘Cos there are no good reasons
What reason do you need to be show-ow-ow-ow-own?
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot the whole Wall Street model down
The Reuters screen is kept so clean
And it cries to the trading world
And mother feels so shocked
Father’s world is rocked
And their thoughts turn to their own little girl
MBA dreams ain’t that peachy keen
Now that ain’t so neat to admit defeat
They can see no reasons
‘Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need?
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot
The whole Wall Street model down, down, down, shoot it all down
And all the playing’s stopped in the Wall Street playground now
She just wants to play with the toys a while
And MBA school’s out early and soon we’ll be learning
And the lesson today is how not to fly high
And then the bullhorn crackles
And the captain tackles
(With the problems of the how’s and why’s)
And he can see no reasons
‘Cos there are no reasons
What reason do you need to cry, cry?
Oh Oh Oh
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like
I don’t like (Tell me why)
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like
I don’t like (Tell me why)
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Bailout Mondays
I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot the whole Wall Street model down
On Apr 12, 2009, MacroEconomist said:
Absolutely hilarious. Good to know that I’m not the only one wondering about the fruit basket.