You might be on your unwilling way out if…

1. Someone keeps putting a post-it with “RIF” on your monitor.
2. Analysts start stealing your speaker equipment.
3. Your last bonus sucked.
4. You find yourself leaving earlier and earlier and actually enjoying life, taking a few classes, even.
5. You’re told you need to “step up.”
6. A neutral party, say a coworker, starts talking to you about your options.
7. Your boss mentions B-school.
8. Your ID stops working.
9. You’re being transitioned off core accounts; no one wants to work with you — You’re just not on the TEAM, dude!

1. Good/passable writer. This is usually not something that analysts are judged on, but do not underestimate how important writing becomes later on. If you can’t write, you’ll just be a quant jock.
2. Culturally and socially astute. Many of you have come from humble beginnings. But as you rise through the ranks and get richer, you need to step up your knowledge to learn about things like art and wine. It sounds like a stereotype, but it’s true.
3. Able to delegate. This doesn’t apply for analysts, of course.
4. Baller. If single, must be able to hit on members of the opposite sex. Benefit of having a gf/bf is that you can always pass on this type of thing. Related to this is the ability to be attractive and appealing even if you’re not.
5. Cannot be pee shy. Business takes place everywhere. You must be able to keep the conversation going from the dinner table to the urinal and to dinner again.
6. Alcohol tolerance. We’re not talking about shots here, but you should be able to handle a good amount and still stay on the ball.
7. Ability to look older than you are. Also important as you get more responsibility. Glasses, style of dress, briefcases … all help project a more mature you.

1. Your new wife will get fat.
2. Your new wife will quit her PR/HR/advertising/publishing job to stay at home.
3. Your new wife, because she will be staying at home, will want to start having kids.

Satin black shirts unbuttoned halfway down are not particularly elegant (for men). More

American English reflects Dutch intonations applied to British words.

Weather after August and through July makes you want to move to London; that holds for food options as well.

I felt femaleish. All my instincts screamed “run”!

***It was awkward, but less so since I was getting my hair cut, too. Of course the nail agent was Mexican. ***I told the stylist, “This is my first time doing this.”She replied, “There’s a first time for everything.”

While there are some good dressers among you in the business casual world, most of you are not.

In fact, since you business casual folk never wear suits, you only buy cheap suits, like Brooks Brothers. And I don’t care if BB was JFK’s tailor. They suck. Their collars are just really bad and Guido looking.

Some of this is admittedly not your fault. Business casual pants are horrendous. They look like potato bags (and I mean bags, not sacks, as there is a difference.) Are there nice business casual pants out there? I really couldn’t tell you. Also, how can you live with yourself, wearing a color and pant called “khaki”, a word originating from a Persian word meaning “of dirt”? More

Now, It Goes Without Saying That

• There Will Be No Sex because “you’re tired.” If that excuse doesn’t work then threaten and/or engage in “limp dick sex.” If you’re a girl, then the tired excuse will do.
• Forget the Art of Conversation and become dull, in general. More

Would there be a market for shorting people?

Have I heard of anyone who’s challenged their bonus? Yes, I have. And successfully, too. More