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Ask the Ex-Working Girl: On Older Men…

By workinggirl on Jul 12, 2006 in Ask the Working Girl, Girlfriend!

Dear Ex-Working Girl:

How about the OLDER Guy or the Younger Guy? Got any insight on them? The other ones that you describe are pretty much on par…you are a very good writer!!! .

Monica

(Note this comment was in response to the Ex-Working Girl’s The Guys Guide post)

Dear Monica:

I don’t have a strict policy when it comes to older or younger guys. But as always, I’ll give you the lowdown on my own past, current preferences and likely future tendencies. I have dated guys who were both younger and older than me. The youngest I have dated was three years younger and the oldest I have gone was 6 years. Before I got a taste of both ends of the spectrum, I used to believe in the prevailing wisdom — that older guys were more mature and stable. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Looking back now, I’m not so surprised. Some of the most mature, stable guys I have dated have been the ones who are younger and some of the most selfish, playeresque guys have been the older ones. (Now to be fair, I think some of the younger guys I have dated thought I was selfish and playeresque and to them I guess I was the older woman, who they thought would be more mature and stable…)

Ironically, the reason for this phenomenon is a piece of conventional wisdom that is actually true — natural selection. In New York, when you look at men over a certain age (30, I would say) and women of certain age (27 or so) who are not already married or in a monogamous relationship, they tend to be one of two types of people. The first type is the single-by-choice: they are attractive but want to play the field. The second type is the single-by-circumstance, which basically means they haven’t gotten lucky yet (usually because they are not attractive enough to compete in NYC and I don’t mean just looks.)

So if you are dating an older guy, chances are he is not just a normal dude – to put it bluntly, he’s either a player or a loser. Worse, he could be carrying baggage – i.e. divorced or divorced WITH kids. Having said all that you might be surprised to hear that I currently prefer older guys. Why? Well, it has a lot to do with where I am in my own personal life and my personality.

One, I’m not really ready to settle down yet so I don’t mind a little challenge. I feel that I can tame those players enough to date them, but I’m not a fool to think that I could make them want to get married. And two, my personality is such that I can deal with non-exclusive dating but I can’t deal with talking to people who just doesn’t have enough experience to understand certain life concepts … and this latter trait more often than not simply comes with age.

As for future predictions, I think that as I get older I will become more and more age neutral. Now, I will leave you with some wise words from my legal counselor and friend, which I second:

“I have personal prejudices against older guys because only in New York is it ok to find men of your dad’s age hanging out in clubs. One thing that I would like to say to young women – ‘do not go for older guys only because they have achieved a lot and have lots of money for the simple reason that in NYC, you will find younger guys who have achieved a lot and have lots of money. They are just harder to catch, but well worth the fishing. That’s the beauty of NY — lots of young, cute men with huge bank accounts. So there’s no need to date an older man unless you are being lazy about it.”

Which reminds me of another great quote from another great woman. Coco Chanel once said — “There are no ugly women in this world, just lazy ones.” My interpretation of these quotes is that both women are saying the same thing. As women, if we put our minds to it, we can get anything we want, we just have to put some thought and work into it. Okay, that is enough Oprah-esque advice for the week.

xoxoxo,
The Ex-Working Girl

Send your questions to workinggirl at bankersball dot com.

32 Comment(s)

On Jul 13, 2006, Monica said:

I check your website regulary, can’t believe you responded to my comment! Awesome! I am an ‘older’ type kinda gal and bc that is my ‘personality type’ like how you describe— I like the challenge and I don’t like the inexperience in the young’ens. I used to date an hedge-fund co owner and we dated for quite awhile. He’s older than me, lives in the Upper Eastside…problem was: Geography. I live in LA and traveling back and forth every week and half didn’t cut it for the both of us when things came to decision time…I was not ready, nor was he. I’m not in the industry, but being with someone that is shined a lot of light into the type of men these hedge fund guys are……not enuf light, however, to ever figure them out, of course. But that would be no fun, Bankersballs, right SO, now I am in LA and I am missing NYC…but I still talk to him and have that on/off communication of torture…great to read your posts, you do a very great job!
On Jul 13, 2006, jm said:

As far as the young successful ones go, if you are going to play that game, you better be the best around, because they know that they can get that. You wanna hunt for big game, you better be the best shot in town. As a married but former single guy in nyc, I can tell you that the odds are not fair, and they become increasingly lopsided with age.
On Jul 13, 2006, Zinedine Zidane said:

oh..yeah….I would like to see Ex-Working Girl’s photo. What an arrogance?! Trashing geeks…Ugly chicks can easily hide behind the online blog facade. I guess she is living her fantasy world in an online blog. Get a life, girl!
On Jul 14, 2006, John said:

Jesus I am so glad I don’t live in new york. i know americans are generally pretty obnoxious and self obsessed but you really seem to have taken calculated shallowness and self importance to heights not seen since just before the french revolution - its just as well so few americans have passports
On Jul 14, 2006, EbitdaMargin said:

That is bullshit. Only someone truly dilluted would say that there are no ugly women and that any girl who puts her mind to it can get any guy or any quality level of guy she wants. That is utter and complete lunacy.
On Jul 14, 2006, EbitdaMargin said:

Something tell me the author is on the way to being the sex and the city ideal:

you know, a nearly cash-broke 43-year old, bleach blonde. But except since this isn;t TV she’ll die alone after thounsands of sunday brunches with simialrly neurotic, insane women.
On Jul 14, 2006, Ex-Working Girl said:

Wow, these strong comments make me think that I must be doing something right;)

ZZ: Hmm…isn’t it ironic that you’re also hiding behind a name that clearly does not belong to you. In any case, I would eventually like to share my photo with you all, but right now for legal reasons I cannot. But some of the writers of Bankersball.com know my identity and I think they will say that I am attractive. I’m no supermodel, but let’s just say that I don’t have problems getting dates, getting into exclusive clubs or even getting picked up by b-list celebs.

John: I agree with you. You don’t belong in NY.
Ebita: I am 28 and red-headed actually. And I assure you that I am very secure financially. Oh fyi, i seldom have sunday brunches since i’m too tired from partying all night sat.
On Jul 17, 2006, EbitdaMargin said:

I notice that you didn’t respond to my questioning of your sanity, let alone my critique of your assertion that women have extreme latitude when it comes to landing a higher quality guy relative to her traits.
On Jul 19, 2006, Ex-Working Girl said:

Sanity is relative. In nyc, seoul, tokyo, london and most of the top ten cities of the world i’m very sane. Relative to people in places like arkansas, not so much. I think you can already surmise that I don’t mind this.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize that some women might be working with not the best set of genes. For example tori spelling (when it comes to looks or brain power). But have you seen what demi moore used to look like when she was growing up trailer trash? Not great. But look at her now. She put some work into herself and now she’s married to a young hottie. I consider that one of the american dreams. So my advice to women out there…stop wasting time complaining that you can’t get a man. go for a run (thus shedding some lbs) or better yet read a book (i recommend the art of seduction).
On Jul 21, 2006, hi said:

while i respect your oprah-esque advice, it’s a little (or a lot) naive. Sure, a girl can get anything - or any man - if she puts her mind to it. but alas, the reality is that more than one of us will put there mind to it on the same guy. quite frankly, the hotter (and usually younger) girl wins. men are only as picky as their options.

perhaps you’re one of the lucky ones and are good looking enough to have options and can out-compete younger girls. But at age 28 (if that’s your real age) tall, rich, good looking, personable bankers aged 29+ are looking at the 22-26 year old pool -b/c then can. and if they can’t, then they’re of mediocre quality and will then settle for the more mediocre female cohort.

by your own arguments, girls over 27 who are single have something wrong with them (that will soon include me). and if you’re dating a male over age 30, which you most certainly have to be, then you’re stuck with “…either a player or a loser…”
you can’t date a player forever.
On Jan 3, 2007, Hedgefundchick said:

Dear Hi,
Your naiveness is incredible. The 29+ personable bankers are looking for 22-26 pool because they want to screw these girls. Do you seriously believe that the bankers will be on serious terms with such young girls? I know a good amount men in this age range, who are my buddies, and the young girls that they pick, they only want to screw them on the weekends. So I am not sure what the young girls are winning really, a weekend screw?

Girls over 27 have something wrong with them? (going to be sarcastic over here) Yes, truly, you know what’s wrong with them? They have standards and know what they want and don’t try to self sabotage themselves or compete with 22 year olds. Sheesh.
On Jan 4, 2007, anon said:

Neither myself nor any of my friends wake up thinking “ok let’s screw the 22-26 girls and settle down with the 27+ girl.” Hot, interesting girls come in all ages; but alas i’m not man enough to date the ones older than me. so i guess it’s the young-uns for me.
On Jan 5, 2007, Anonymous said:

As a 30-year old woman in the business, I’m telling you your options are going to get bleaker with every coming month - forget about year. I know you think it’s going to be okay, but unless you figure it out in the next two years you’re really going to be sorry. You’ll never tame the player. Those guys will never relent as long as they live in the city…they will eventually marry to keep up appearances, but all of them will cheat on their wives as long as possible. Those who do settle do so because they have insecurity issues. Bankers aren’t wired to be “nice guys” - let me rephrase that - “decent human beings”. So unless you really are a supermodel and/or extremely wealthy, you will not have a semi-successful long term relationship with a good looking financial professional in new york city. pretty soon the only options are to move, date someone who’s broke and depends on you to be a sugarmomma, or settle for the permanently single life. These iinstances are the only examples where I’ve seen an nyc woman over 29 happy with her romantic prospects.
On Jan 9, 2007, stock slinger said:

Life in my view is a strange string of happy accidents. You only have so much control over what happens. Control what you can, and the rest will fall into place. In addition, the key to knowing about how he will treat you, be tamed etc. is his relationship with his mother. This is the key indicator.
On Jan 20, 2007, summo power said:

Why older woman younger male can not work and will never work with any real statistical significance. From the male perspective women ignore.

1) Women have the nasty habit of demonizing boytoys who grew older. Many of those older “dirty old letcherous” men you have a prejudice towards and advise young women not to date… were once boytoys who gave their entire youths (or parts of it) to a woman their senior. That back stabbing is why older woman younger male doesn’t work and nomatter what a male dates we generally always end up with a wife younger than us. 90% of all talk about older women younger males is just older women talking to yourselves. If you look at marriage you will see the true indicator of what males really want and that soul mate is younger than us. And the reason she is younger than us is because those hot “mature women” invented a system where all boytoys grow into “dirty old men” when really all boytoys grow into a man with a younger wife because our demonizer isn’t quite the sex pot she thinks she is. Sure we will have sex with someone older than us but LOVE? we want to love females older than us with the same ethusasiam as females taller than us. NOT REALLY. So… date who you want. But always keep the real reality in your mind.

2) You are portrarying a relationship that almost always ends with you being left for a younger woman (if males are dating older but marrying younger… somebody is being left for younger? right?).

just telling it like it really is.
On Jan 20, 2007, summo bear said:

I’m confused. Women hate older men because older men leave them for young women or want to date young women. So you want a younger guy who …. leaves you for a younger woman or wants to date a young woman?

Women are so busy looking at demi they are forgetting to look at marriage statistics. You are promoting a failed union (older woman/younger male) as a glamorous union and demonizing unions that work. (older male with female younger than self).

Women spend their existence bashing older men completely forgetting that many of those older men were once boytoys. YOu demonize your toys and then can’t figure out why that never works and why we mostly marry females younger than us.
On Jan 20, 2007, summo said:

I’m not understand the logic. Women get bad at men dating younger women or leaving them for younger women… and then think dating a guy younger than them is a BETTER option? actually, in real life that is a relationship where you are MORE likely to be left for a younger woman or rejected for marriage. The failure rate of older women/younger males is immense because they aren’t really love relationships. They are sex relationships and are usually just flings until a younger woman comes along. (males only really marry females younger than us). And the few that marry upwards have a high divorce rate.
On Feb 1, 2007, No telling you. said:

*************the truth revealed at last***************
I hate old and much older men. They are rich, old and stingy. God knows where thier dick has been . Yuck. And, the older they are the more hookers they have had. It is better to drink out of a toilet bowl. Plus they are @#$% in the head and selfish dogs. Old men can go to hell. If they are divorced it is becaue their wife left them because they went to hookers and or @#$%&* around. This is why 80% of marrigages end in divorce - for this single reason. Next time you see a “player” as the dog why he is either single or divorced. They will lie anyway, but now you know the truth.
On Feb 1, 2007, No telling you. said:

…. and one more comment, most men are shit - they are selfish dogs who lie and cheat (50% at least). Girls, I say shit on them!!!
On Feb 1, 2007, men are shit said:

***********THE TRUTH AT LAST**************

50% OF MEN ARE SHIT AND SHOULD BE TREATED LIKEWISE.
THEY ARE PIGS. THEY GO TO HOOKERS. THAT IS WHYWOMEN DIVORCE MEN. THEY ARE DOGS AND PIGS. ASK ANY DIVORCED MAN WHY HIS WIFE LEFT HIM - ANY BET HE WILL NOT TELL THE TRUTH.
On Feb 1, 2007, men are shit said:

……… also, men go bad really fast after the age of 30. They become jaded, rich, and stingy. 50% of the men that walk this planet are Fucking Shit - literally. It is better to swin in a city sewerage plant that tough thier diseased bodies.
On Feb 11, 2007, KS said:

Hello. I’m in my late 40s…female. Since becoming single, two years ago, after a long relationship, my relationships with men have been primarily with younger men, 10 or more years younger. Some I have dated, others just friends…no one really serious yet…I’m just having fun. All but one of these relationships has turned into something sexual, as I’m not interested in casual sex. I get along very well with younger men, as my interests are youthful compared to people my age, and I’m in great shape and look younger than my age.

I’m not particularly interested in marriage, so whether a younger man wants to marry me is of no concern to me…in fact, it’s better if they don’t. Marriage is not what it’s cracked up to be…especially for a woman…haha! But there are plenty of younger men out there quite happy to date or hang out with an older woman…and not just for sex either…you’d be quite surprised. It’s quite enjoyable actually. I don’t really care if ultimately they find some younger woman to have the kids and do their housework…that’s not really the fun part anyway.

I think the whole age issue is completely a matter of taste and preference. If there’s something you want or “prefer” (ow/ym, om/yw, same sex, certain body types, you name it), trust me there’s a counterpart out there who wants to be the other half of the 2-piece puzzle. And relationships are indeed a puzzle, as no one really knows the mystery of “why” two people choose to stay together.

I, for one, know and have known plenty of OW/YM couples who have married…including my very own parents (I guess it runs in the family)…mother 17 years older…married for 28 years till her death.

ow/ym, by the way, has nothing to do with the divorce rate which is over 50%…because most “typical” marriages are those in which the couple is one or two years apart give or take.

It’s useless theorizing what other people do and why. I’d suggest you all worry about your own preferences.
On Feb 14, 2007, Ken said:

“Generally it can be assumed that every married man is secretly mortified because he feels that he has been made a fool of when all this ravishing talk from the courting days, all this about Julie being the paragon of loveliness and beauty, and getting to possess her is the highest bliss turns out to be - a false alarm. This is the first knock the husband gets, but this in itself is not insignificant, because it is hard for a man to admit that he has been fooled, that both he and Julie must have been crazy. The next undermining is that the husband and Julie (who incidentally has had the same experience on her side) agree to keep a stiff upper lip and to hide things from others; they agree to tell the lie that marriage is the true happiness and that they especially are happy. “
On Mar 4, 2007, mieoux said:

Ken, I feel bad for you. I am getting this feeling of “there but for the grace of G-d”. But then you’ve made me feel even more confident in my decision to no longer take dating advice from my mother who advocates essentially pretending to be someone else.
On Jun 2, 2007, just another older guy.From Canada said:

I was just looking for an exercise routine for a middle aged guy when I accidentally found this forum.I was shocked to read the comments and bashing against men,and the gold digging dating attitude that some of these women have.Its no wonder some of their marriages failed or they can’t get married.I am glad I don’t live on the east coast.I am actually from Canada.When it comes to marriage it takes two to make it or break it.Yes I am divorced with a child (baggage).The main reason my marriage failed was mental illness on her part and my inability to notice it sooner and continued to work and not come home on time, but I made my choice for better or for worse for richer or for poorer plus I truly loved her and was willing to care for her even at my own health suffering.In time it failed she gave up and we went through a nasty separation and custody battle.Now I am single and 40 and trying to date again my preference is still a woman who is 30-42 .Why, I can’t relate to the really younger ones on a mental level as well as real life experience.Not that there is anything wrong with them they are great but chances of me leaving my previous wife for a younger woman are nil.Yeah call me a bit traditional but when I commit I don’t fuck around at all unless the other side says go ahead which she said to. My reply sure I’ll fuck other women with your approval but you bet you will be there to watch.Then you might as well be swingers,because who cares it’s just sex and we are only human.In the end I still have my values, my philosophy is do whatever you want to in life just don’t hurt anyone or anything in the process.As for the dating world I am outa the loop but willing to learn and make the best of it it will be a new challenge and maybe we can change the greedy,selfish attitudes on both sides.So don’t be too hard on all of us older guys with baggage we were shit on too.
On Jul 10, 2007, Ken said:

I think she’s right on!

It’s me!
On Nov 28, 2007, Anonymous said:

I think that you can date whoever you want if you truely love one another. I am 18 and mature, dating a guy that is 25, we’ve been together for about a year and a couple months. Yes, I sometimes think back on the age difference but if you think about it, now a days, age doesnt really matter.
But I would like your advice..
On Dec 20, 2007, anon said:

…Man, some truly unreal comments, and clouded visions on here. I happen to be an “older guy” and have worked in the financial services industry in NYC for my entire career. I make a fine living for myself, and feel Im a decent/average lookin slob…. The gals who are seeking, and I quote,”tall, rich, good looking, personable bankers aged 29+” have been watching waaaaay too much MTV, andor have not actually worked a day on the Street.
That is about as realistic as me only dating the Jessica Alba/”Down-to-Earth”/”Cool”/Brain Surgeon types I meet everyday??????Yeah, right.
Please, Please stop watching Television, movies, and hanging on every image the media shoves in your face…..
On Aug 28, 2008, delite said:

I am grossed out by most older men. Always have been. They give me the creeps. But, I don’t feel sexy at my age of 40. I just think women are not as gross. We behave. Old limp men OVER 40 stick i anywhere they can. I am tired of 55 old limp men hitting on me. I want to be single! Leave me alone.
On Jan 26, 2009, MM said:

wasting my time??? At the start of working girls article her younger men were 3yrs younger and older was 6! You lost me, I couldn’t take your article serious so stopped reading. Then I scroll down to someone named JOHN and he puts down Americans….oh yeah…u suck!
On Jan 26, 2009, MM said:

I really thought i was going to get and add soem insight to this subject but so many here seem angry and narrow minded, the ones I have read anyways and I’m a pretty patriotic person so it’s bad enough men and women get trashed but to add a persons country into the mix..well see now that makes me angry and I came here to exchange better than this.
On Feb 17, 2009, Sue said:

I am 38, an attorney with a top-tier education, good-looking, personable, successful, and from a very rich family, who got married at 30 to a nice guy with an MBA from a poor family.

During the first few years of our marriage, we built a house. I oversaw everything. Though I had the real estate before getting married, I put my husband on title.

Do you think my husband’s family (read: his mother) appreciated me? She talked as if the house went up by itself; insulted a hobby I had; told me I had “black hair”(!!!); and, when I represented her very successfully on a case, where she walked off with 10 times more than she should have, she said that she should have had another attorney, that another attorney would have made her more money!

I did not get married in my 20s due to my career. Plus, I had the right to be selective.

But, after this experience, where I received no appreciation (for my education, work ethic, building a house, family, etc.), I have 2 things to tell women out there:
1. Marry as rich as you can, and make sure that your guy’s parents are happy;
2. Don’t feel sorry for ANY man who is divorced. They CHOSE who they married. They are the ones with all the choice before marriage, and, if they choose wrong, toough for them! (Or if they choose right and cheat on a decent woman!) When I hit 29, though I had an excellent reputation, guess who any man older than me was picking? Yep, the sluts with nothing to offer!

And Chanel was right: all women are equal. The ugly may have it even better, because other women are not jealous of (and working against) them.

One of the last men I dated, who had it all, dated me when he was on the rebound from a VERY ugly woman. He dated another woman I know, too. He used the cute, successful women (MANY women, too!!) to get back this mean, gossipy, ugly, petty, unsuccessful woman!

You explain to me the logic of all of this, and I’ll give you a medal.

But the actual good women out there, with everything to offer and who are not bitchy at all, suffer and get taken for granted.

Grab, women, grab!!!

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On Jul 13, 2006, Monica said:

I check your website regulary, can’t believe you responded to my comment! Awesome! I am an ‘older’ type kinda gal and bc that is my ‘personality type’ like how you describe— I like the challenge and I don’t like the inexperience in the young’ens. I used to date an hedge-fund co owner and we dated for quite awhile. He’s older than me, lives in the Upper Eastside…problem was: Geography. I live in LA and traveling back and forth every week and half didn’t cut it for the both of us when things came to decision time…I was not ready, nor was he. I’m not in the industry, but being with someone that is shined a lot of light into the type of men these hedge fund guys are……not enuf light, however, to ever figure them out, of course. But that would be no fun, Bankersballs, right SO, now I am in LA and I am missing NYC…but I still talk to him and have that on/off communication of torture…great to read your posts, you do a very great job!

On Jul 13, 2006, jm said:

As far as the young successful ones go, if you are going to play that game, you better be the best around, because they know that they can get that. You wanna hunt for big game, you better be the best shot in town. As a married but former single guy in nyc, I can tell you that the odds are not fair, and they become increasingly lopsided with age.

On Jul 13, 2006, Zinedine Zidane said:

oh..yeah….I would like to see Ex-Working Girl’s photo. What an arrogance?! Trashing geeks…Ugly chicks can easily hide behind the online blog facade. I guess she is living her fantasy world in an online blog. Get a life, girl!

On Jul 14, 2006, John said:

Jesus I am so glad I don’t live in new york. i know americans are generally pretty obnoxious and self obsessed but you really seem to have taken calculated shallowness and self importance to heights not seen since just before the french revolution - its just as well so few americans have passports

On Jul 14, 2006, EbitdaMargin said:

That is bullshit. Only someone truly dilluted would say that there are no ugly women and that any girl who puts her mind to it can get any guy or any quality level of guy she wants. That is utter and complete lunacy.

Something tell me the author is on the way to being the sex and the city ideal:

you know, a nearly cash-broke 43-year old, bleach blonde. But except since this isn;t TV she’ll die alone after thounsands of sunday brunches with simialrly neurotic, insane women.

On Jul 14, 2006, Ex-Working Girl said:

Wow, these strong comments make me think that I must be doing something right;)

ZZ: Hmm…isn’t it ironic that you’re also hiding behind a name that clearly does not belong to you. In any case, I would eventually like to share my photo with you all, but right now for legal reasons I cannot. But some of the writers of Bankersball.com know my identity and I think they will say that I am attractive. I’m no supermodel, but let’s just say that I don’t have problems getting dates, getting into exclusive clubs or even getting picked up by b-list celebs.

John: I agree with you. You don’t belong in NY.
Ebita: I am 28 and red-headed actually. And I assure you that I am very secure financially. Oh fyi, i seldom have sunday brunches since i’m too tired from partying all night sat.

On Jul 17, 2006, EbitdaMargin said:

I notice that you didn’t respond to my questioning of your sanity, let alone my critique of your assertion that women have extreme latitude when it comes to landing a higher quality guy relative to her traits.

On Jul 19, 2006, Ex-Working Girl said:

Sanity is relative. In nyc, seoul, tokyo, london and most of the top ten cities of the world i’m very sane. Relative to people in places like arkansas, not so much. I think you can already surmise that I don’t mind this.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize that some women might be working with not the best set of genes. For example tori spelling (when it comes to looks or brain power). But have you seen what demi moore used to look like when she was growing up trailer trash? Not great. But look at her now. She put some work into herself and now she’s married to a young hottie. I consider that one of the american dreams. So my advice to women out there…stop wasting time complaining that you can’t get a man. go for a run (thus shedding some lbs) or better yet read a book (i recommend the art of seduction).

On Jul 21, 2006, hi said:

while i respect your oprah-esque advice, it’s a little (or a lot) naive. Sure, a girl can get anything - or any man - if she puts her mind to it. but alas, the reality is that more than one of us will put there mind to it on the same guy. quite frankly, the hotter (and usually younger) girl wins. men are only as picky as their options.

perhaps you’re one of the lucky ones and are good looking enough to have options and can out-compete younger girls. But at age 28 (if that’s your real age) tall, rich, good looking, personable bankers aged 29+ are looking at the 22-26 year old pool -b/c then can. and if they can’t, then they’re of mediocre quality and will then settle for the more mediocre female cohort.

by your own arguments, girls over 27 who are single have something wrong with them (that will soon include me). and if you’re dating a male over age 30, which you most certainly have to be, then you’re stuck with “…either a player or a loser…”
you can’t date a player forever.

On Jan 3, 2007, Hedgefundchick said:

Dear Hi,
Your naiveness is incredible. The 29+ personable bankers are looking for 22-26 pool because they want to screw these girls. Do you seriously believe that the bankers will be on serious terms with such young girls? I know a good amount men in this age range, who are my buddies, and the young girls that they pick, they only want to screw them on the weekends. So I am not sure what the young girls are winning really, a weekend screw?

Girls over 27 have something wrong with them? (going to be sarcastic over here) Yes, truly, you know what’s wrong with them? They have standards and know what they want and don’t try to self sabotage themselves or compete with 22 year olds. Sheesh.

On Jan 4, 2007, anon said:

Neither myself nor any of my friends wake up thinking “ok let’s screw the 22-26 girls and settle down with the 27+ girl.” Hot, interesting girls come in all ages; but alas i’m not man enough to date the ones older than me. so i guess it’s the young-uns for me.

On Jan 5, 2007, Anonymous said:

As a 30-year old woman in the business, I’m telling you your options are going to get bleaker with every coming month - forget about year. I know you think it’s going to be okay, but unless you figure it out in the next two years you’re really going to be sorry. You’ll never tame the player. Those guys will never relent as long as they live in the city…they will eventually marry to keep up appearances, but all of them will cheat on their wives as long as possible. Those who do settle do so because they have insecurity issues. Bankers aren’t wired to be “nice guys” - let me rephrase that - “decent human beings”. So unless you really are a supermodel and/or extremely wealthy, you will not have a semi-successful long term relationship with a good looking financial professional in new york city. pretty soon the only options are to move, date someone who’s broke and depends on you to be a sugarmomma, or settle for the permanently single life. These iinstances are the only examples where I’ve seen an nyc woman over 29 happy with her romantic prospects.

On Jan 9, 2007, stock slinger said:

Life in my view is a strange string of happy accidents. You only have so much control over what happens. Control what you can, and the rest will fall into place. In addition, the key to knowing about how he will treat you, be tamed etc. is his relationship with his mother. This is the key indicator.

On Jan 20, 2007, summo power said:

Why older woman younger male can not work and will never work with any real statistical significance. From the male perspective women ignore.

1) Women have the nasty habit of demonizing boytoys who grew older. Many of those older “dirty old letcherous” men you have a prejudice towards and advise young women not to date… were once boytoys who gave their entire youths (or parts of it) to a woman their senior. That back stabbing is why older woman younger male doesn’t work and nomatter what a male dates we generally always end up with a wife younger than us. 90% of all talk about older women younger males is just older women talking to yourselves. If you look at marriage you will see the true indicator of what males really want and that soul mate is younger than us. And the reason she is younger than us is because those hot “mature women” invented a system where all boytoys grow into “dirty old men” when really all boytoys grow into a man with a younger wife because our demonizer isn’t quite the sex pot she thinks she is. Sure we will have sex with someone older than us but LOVE? we want to love females older than us with the same ethusasiam as females taller than us. NOT REALLY. So… date who you want. But always keep the real reality in your mind.

2) You are portrarying a relationship that almost always ends with you being left for a younger woman (if males are dating older but marrying younger… somebody is being left for younger? right?).

just telling it like it really is.

On Jan 20, 2007, summo bear said:

I’m confused. Women hate older men because older men leave them for young women or want to date young women. So you want a younger guy who …. leaves you for a younger woman or wants to date a young woman?

Women are so busy looking at demi they are forgetting to look at marriage statistics. You are promoting a failed union (older woman/younger male) as a glamorous union and demonizing unions that work. (older male with female younger than self).

Women spend their existence bashing older men completely forgetting that many of those older men were once boytoys. YOu demonize your toys and then can’t figure out why that never works and why we mostly marry females younger than us.

On Jan 20, 2007, summo said:

I’m not understand the logic. Women get bad at men dating younger women or leaving them for younger women… and then think dating a guy younger than them is a BETTER option? actually, in real life that is a relationship where you are MORE likely to be left for a younger woman or rejected for marriage. The failure rate of older women/younger males is immense because they aren’t really love relationships. They are sex relationships and are usually just flings until a younger woman comes along. (males only really marry females younger than us). And the few that marry upwards have a high divorce rate.

On Feb 1, 2007, No telling you. said:

*************the truth revealed at last***************
I hate old and much older men. They are rich, old and stingy. God knows where thier dick has been . Yuck. And, the older they are the more hookers they have had. It is better to drink out of a toilet bowl. Plus they are @#$% in the head and selfish dogs. Old men can go to hell. If they are divorced it is becaue their wife left them because they went to hookers and or @#$%&* around. This is why 80% of marrigages end in divorce - for this single reason. Next time you see a “player” as the dog why he is either single or divorced. They will lie anyway, but now you know the truth.

…. and one more comment, most men are shit - they are selfish dogs who lie and cheat (50% at least). Girls, I say shit on them!!!

On Feb 1, 2007, men are shit said:

***********THE TRUTH AT LAST**************

50% OF MEN ARE SHIT AND SHOULD BE TREATED LIKEWISE.
THEY ARE PIGS. THEY GO TO HOOKERS. THAT IS WHYWOMEN DIVORCE MEN. THEY ARE DOGS AND PIGS. ASK ANY DIVORCED MAN WHY HIS WIFE LEFT HIM - ANY BET HE WILL NOT TELL THE TRUTH.

……… also, men go bad really fast after the age of 30. They become jaded, rich, and stingy. 50% of the men that walk this planet are Fucking Shit - literally. It is better to swin in a city sewerage plant that tough thier diseased bodies.

On Feb 11, 2007, KS said:

Hello. I’m in my late 40s…female. Since becoming single, two years ago, after a long relationship, my relationships with men have been primarily with younger men, 10 or more years younger. Some I have dated, others just friends…no one really serious yet…I’m just having fun. All but one of these relationships has turned into something sexual, as I’m not interested in casual sex. I get along very well with younger men, as my interests are youthful compared to people my age, and I’m in great shape and look younger than my age.

I’m not particularly interested in marriage, so whether a younger man wants to marry me is of no concern to me…in fact, it’s better if they don’t. Marriage is not what it’s cracked up to be…especially for a woman…haha! But there are plenty of younger men out there quite happy to date or hang out with an older woman…and not just for sex either…you’d be quite surprised. It’s quite enjoyable actually. I don’t really care if ultimately they find some younger woman to have the kids and do their housework…that’s not really the fun part anyway.

I think the whole age issue is completely a matter of taste and preference. If there’s something you want or “prefer” (ow/ym, om/yw, same sex, certain body types, you name it), trust me there’s a counterpart out there who wants to be the other half of the 2-piece puzzle. And relationships are indeed a puzzle, as no one really knows the mystery of “why” two people choose to stay together.

I, for one, know and have known plenty of OW/YM couples who have married…including my very own parents (I guess it runs in the family)…mother 17 years older…married for 28 years till her death.

ow/ym, by the way, has nothing to do with the divorce rate which is over 50%…because most “typical” marriages are those in which the couple is one or two years apart give or take.

It’s useless theorizing what other people do and why. I’d suggest you all worry about your own preferences.

On Feb 14, 2007, Ken said:

“Generally it can be assumed that every married man is secretly mortified because he feels that he has been made a fool of when all this ravishing talk from the courting days, all this about Julie being the paragon of loveliness and beauty, and getting to possess her is the highest bliss turns out to be - a false alarm. This is the first knock the husband gets, but this in itself is not insignificant, because it is hard for a man to admit that he has been fooled, that both he and Julie must have been crazy. The next undermining is that the husband and Julie (who incidentally has had the same experience on her side) agree to keep a stiff upper lip and to hide things from others; they agree to tell the lie that marriage is the true happiness and that they especially are happy. “

On Mar 4, 2007, mieoux said:

Ken, I feel bad for you. I am getting this feeling of “there but for the grace of G-d”. But then you’ve made me feel even more confident in my decision to no longer take dating advice from my mother who advocates essentially pretending to be someone else.

On Jun 2, 2007, just another older guy.From Canada said:

I was just looking for an exercise routine for a middle aged guy when I accidentally found this forum.I was shocked to read the comments and bashing against men,and the gold digging dating attitude that some of these women have.Its no wonder some of their marriages failed or they can’t get married.I am glad I don’t live on the east coast.I am actually from Canada.When it comes to marriage it takes two to make it or break it.Yes I am divorced with a child (baggage).The main reason my marriage failed was mental illness on her part and my inability to notice it sooner and continued to work and not come home on time, but I made my choice for better or for worse for richer or for poorer plus I truly loved her and was willing to care for her even at my own health suffering.In time it failed she gave up and we went through a nasty separation and custody battle.Now I am single and 40 and trying to date again my preference is still a woman who is 30-42 .Why, I can’t relate to the really younger ones on a mental level as well as real life experience.Not that there is anything wrong with them they are great but chances of me leaving my previous wife for a younger woman are nil.Yeah call me a bit traditional but when I commit I don’t fuck around at all unless the other side says go ahead which she said to. My reply sure I’ll fuck other women with your approval but you bet you will be there to watch.Then you might as well be swingers,because who cares it’s just sex and we are only human.In the end I still have my values, my philosophy is do whatever you want to in life just don’t hurt anyone or anything in the process.As for the dating world I am outa the loop but willing to learn and make the best of it it will be a new challenge and maybe we can change the greedy,selfish attitudes on both sides.So don’t be too hard on all of us older guys with baggage we were shit on too.

On Jul 10, 2007, Ken said:

I think she’s right on!

It’s me!

On Nov 28, 2007, Anonymous said:

I think that you can date whoever you want if you truely love one another. I am 18 and mature, dating a guy that is 25, we’ve been together for about a year and a couple months. Yes, I sometimes think back on the age difference but if you think about it, now a days, age doesnt really matter.
But I would like your advice..

On Dec 20, 2007, anon said:

…Man, some truly unreal comments, and clouded visions on here. I happen to be an “older guy” and have worked in the financial services industry in NYC for my entire career. I make a fine living for myself, and feel Im a decent/average lookin slob…. The gals who are seeking, and I quote,”tall, rich, good looking, personable bankers aged 29+” have been watching waaaaay too much MTV, andor have not actually worked a day on the Street.
That is about as realistic as me only dating the Jessica Alba/”Down-to-Earth”/”Cool”/Brain Surgeon types I meet everyday??????Yeah, right.
Please, Please stop watching Television, movies, and hanging on every image the media shoves in your face…..

On Aug 28, 2008, delite said:

I am grossed out by most older men. Always have been. They give me the creeps. But, I don’t feel sexy at my age of 40. I just think women are not as gross. We behave. Old limp men OVER 40 stick i anywhere they can. I am tired of 55 old limp men hitting on me. I want to be single! Leave me alone.

On Jan 26, 2009, MM said:

wasting my time??? At the start of working girls article her younger men were 3yrs younger and older was 6! You lost me, I couldn’t take your article serious so stopped reading. Then I scroll down to someone named JOHN and he puts down Americans….oh yeah…u suck!

I really thought i was going to get and add soem insight to this subject but so many here seem angry and narrow minded, the ones I have read anyways and I’m a pretty patriotic person so it’s bad enough men and women get trashed but to add a persons country into the mix..well see now that makes me angry and I came here to exchange better than this.

On Feb 17, 2009, Sue said:

I am 38, an attorney with a top-tier education, good-looking, personable, successful, and from a very rich family, who got married at 30 to a nice guy with an MBA from a poor family.

During the first few years of our marriage, we built a house. I oversaw everything. Though I had the real estate before getting married, I put my husband on title.

Do you think my husband’s family (read: his mother) appreciated me? She talked as if the house went up by itself; insulted a hobby I had; told me I had “black hair”(!!!); and, when I represented her very successfully on a case, where she walked off with 10 times more than she should have, she said that she should have had another attorney, that another attorney would have made her more money!

I did not get married in my 20s due to my career. Plus, I had the right to be selective.

But, after this experience, where I received no appreciation (for my education, work ethic, building a house, family, etc.), I have 2 things to tell women out there:
1. Marry as rich as you can, and make sure that your guy’s parents are happy;
2. Don’t feel sorry for ANY man who is divorced. They CHOSE who they married. They are the ones with all the choice before marriage, and, if they choose wrong, toough for them! (Or if they choose right and cheat on a decent woman!) When I hit 29, though I had an excellent reputation, guess who any man older than me was picking? Yep, the sluts with nothing to offer!

And Chanel was right: all women are equal. The ugly may have it even better, because other women are not jealous of (and working against) them.

One of the last men I dated, who had it all, dated me when he was on the rebound from a VERY ugly woman. He dated another woman I know, too. He used the cute, successful women (MANY women, too!!) to get back this mean, gossipy, ugly, petty, unsuccessful woman!

You explain to me the logic of all of this, and I’ll give you a medal.

But the actual good women out there, with everything to offer and who are not bitchy at all, suffer and get taken for granted.

Grab, women, grab!!!